loss

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Darkness And Loss

by Seven

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Liam was sitting in a corner of the Flat Planet, slowly sliding a glass of Coke from one hand to the other. His reddened eyes had not shed a single tear, restraining the sobs within his chest. He felt as if there were a black hole inside him, seeming to suck away everything except the gnawing pain.

He had been the one to find her in the bathroom. Calla Ramirez, he knew, had always struggled with alcoholism.

A few months ago, she had staggered into Liam's apartment, crying and sobbing hysterically. He could smell the liquor on her halfway across the building.

"It's Larry," she sobbed wildly, clinging to Liam, her head resting on his chest. "He's been cheating on me... he said... man, he called me a-" "Hold it, shh," Liam soothed her, cradling her gently. "Listen, don't let this get you down. You can sleep on my couch, and I'll drive you home in the morning. Everything's gonna be all right. Okay?"

She nodded, tears still streaming across her wet face.

Things had not been all right. A few days later, she hadn't shown up at a meeting. Liam had found her in the back of a seedy, filthy bar, drinking as fast as she breathed. He had brought her back to her apartment and left Lili to take care of her...

And the scenario had been repeated the next day. And the next.

Liam felt like crying too as he watched Calla spiral downwards. He stayed at her apartment, sleeping on her fold-out couch, making sure that she bathed and ate. She slept, unable to drink more. Several times during the night, Liam had slipped out under cover of darkness to pour the contents of more bottles down a sewer drain.

"I'm not gonna let this beat me," she said determinedly, making an attempt to straighten her horribly tangled brown hair. "I'm not going to drink anymore, Liam. I swear it."

Liam had smiled in relief and hugged her. Then he had begun to fix pancakes... when he had heard a sickening thud from the bathroom.

"Calla?" he shouted, running to the door and knocking. "Calla? Are you all right?"

Five minutes later he managed to break down the door. Calla was lying on the floor, huddled over. A bottle of pills was in her hand, next to an empty beer bottle, a few drops still seeping from the neck. Her dark face, always almost childish in its innocent roundness, was screwed up with pain and misery, dried tears still streaking her skin.

Would things have been different if he hadn't left her alone? If she hadn't been so alone, if he hadn't gone away, perhaps she would still be alive.

Tears slipped down Liam's cheeks as he made a silent toast to a good woman, who he had only wanted to help. Who had accepted his help, but had not been able to face her darkness alone, the darkness that cannot be faced with another's assistance.

Liam held her close, crying hysterically. He begged her to return, not to leave, to keep on trying... but she was too far. She died in Liam Kincaid's arms, as he pleaded with her not to give up...