How Can I Say It

by Seven


Disclaimer:  Earth: Final Conflict and its characters are copyrighted by Tribune Entertainment Company.  All rights reserved.



Note from Author:   Shortly after "Friendly Fire"



**********



The interior of the church was cool and dim, filled with Air Force pilots and a few dark-clad relatives. Lili, being neither, felt miserably out of place, sitting at the rear of the church. Sitting next to her, Liam managed to look both serene and sorrowful. Why was it so hard for her to look how she felt? Liam hadn't even known Chandler, and he seemed to be sorry that he had died.

She drew a ragged breath as everyone rose and walked silently to the end of the church. Liam, getting out of his chair, touched her shoulder. "It's time to go," he whispered.

"Just a minute," Lili whispered back. "You go, I'll come in a moment."

Liam nodded, patted her shoulder, and walked out. Lili bit her lip and walked over to Paul's casket--empty, of course, though almost no one knew that. After smashing into the embassy's defensive shielding, there wasn't much left of the shuttle, or of Paul. She gently touched the casket, wishing that he had listened, that he hadn't thrown his life away for an act of terrorism.

"Miss Marquette?"

At the soft, slightly lifting voice, Lili's stomach curled up in on itself. She recognized the voice, from a meeting years ago at the grocery store. An elderly woman had come up to her in the grocery store and said in a friendly tone, "You must be Miss Marquette. I'm Paul's mother, he talks a lot about you..."

Lili turned around, to find a dark-clad Mrs. Chandler behind her. The older woman had tears streaming from her eyes.

"Miss... Lili, you wouldn't lie to me, would you?" she asked slowly.

Lili shook her head.

"They told me that that... they say that Paul... was trying to kill Da'an." Bright eyes looked into Lili's, and she shrank away inwardly, wanting to scream and run. "Is it true?"

Lili instantly regretted her statement that she wouldn't lie. She wanted to lie, wanted to tell this woman that it wasn't true. But she had to. "I'm sorry," she rasped, only dimly aware of hot tears streaming from her eyes. Guilt and misery. "I'm so sorry."

She quickly walked past Mrs. Chandler and out of the church. She wanted sanctuary against one of the few people who she couldn't lie to about Chandler. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Mrs. Chandler watched the young woman almost run out the doors. Then she slowly walked to the casket and smiled. "I forgive you, Paul," she said softly with tears in her eyes.