House Hunting

by Seven


Disclaimer:  Earth: Final Conflict and its characters are copyrighted by Tribune Entertainment Company.  All rights reserved.



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"Liam?" Augur stuck his head into the back of the Flat Planet. He frowned a little at the mounds of clothes lying around, on the couches and tabletops. "Liam, what are you doing? We were supposed to meet Lili at the realtor's almost fifteen minutes ago."

"I can't go, Augur," Liam said, sticking his head out of the back with an anguished expression on his face. "I can't find the mate to my blue sock, and that's the last clean matching pair I have."

"So wear dirty socks."

Liam gave Augur the most disgusted look he could muster.

"Okay, okay," Augur said, pushing the door open and gingerly weaving through the cluttered room. "Just wear a clean sock from another pair. No one will notice." He grabbed a black sock and took Liam by the arm. "Liam, we have to get you a real place to live. You said you wanted to be able to lock yourself in a bathroom like normal people."

"No one will notice?" Liam asked, quickly snatching his shoes and blue sock as Augur pulled him relentlessly out the door.

"Trust me."

****

Lili's car pulled up in front of a pleasant-looking apartment building, and Liam stuck his dark head out, staring at the building. "Uh... I don't think so," he said dubiously.

"Liam, we haven't even checked out the apartment yet," Lili said, pulling the key from the ignition and opening the door. "We're supposed to go to B-13."

"13, bad number," Liam mumbled.

Augur groaned and shoved him in the front door. The three went up the wide, carpeted stairs to the second floor. Lili fumbled in her pocket for a moment. "The owner aren't home right now," she commented. "So just don't touch anything and everything will be fine."

"Don't touch anything," Liam repeated. "You're still remembering that porcelain figurine, aren't you?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, it wasn't my fault. And it was ugly, too."

Lili rolled her eyes and unlocked the door. The furnishings were spare, only a table and various white-upholstered chairs up against the cream-colored walls. Augur made a face, his red vinyl jacket standing out vividly against the bland surroundings. "Anemic taste."

"I like it," Liam said. Abruptly, he turned to Lili and asked, "Lili, do my socks clash?"

Lili gave him an odd look. "Socks?"

"Never mind," Liam sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Well, it seems nice, although I might want to repaint it something a little more colorful. Maybe a few posters."

"Color, my friend, is the lifeblood of the soul," Augur said solemnly. "And I have some nice Pamela Anderson posters I will lend you."

"Oh no you won't," Lili interjected.

"Why not?" Liam asked, confused.

"Never mind," Lili said. "Liam, why don't you go out on the balcony and check out the view?"

Augur entered the bathroom and began to test the faucets. Lili ducked into the kitchen, and a faint "ouch" was heard. Liam slowly slid open the sliding glass door to the balcony. As he stepped out, something under his foot crumbled--and half the balcony collapsed, raining crumbled cement onto the street below.

Liam grabbed frantically onto the door handle and swung himself back in, breathing hard. Lili and Augur dashed back into the living room, gasping simultaneously in horror as they saw the rising dust cloud outside the window and the shellshocked expression on Liam's face.

"Liam, are you all right?" Lili asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine," Liam gasped. "I just walked out on it... Augur? Is it okay with you if I stay at the back of the Flat Planet?"

"After finding a mature eel in the toilet," Augur said, eyeing the destroyed balcony, "I've decided you can stay anywhere you like as long as it's not here."

"I can live without a bathroom with a locking door," Liam said, flopping down on a chair and standing hastily as he heard an alarming creak from it. "Let's go."

As Lili opened the door, Liam said conversationally, "Oh, Lili?"

She pulled the door open and stepped out into the hall. "Yes?"

"If I ever decide to go house-hunting again..."

"Yes?"

"Shoot me."