Pancake Night 3: Surreal Situations

by Seven


Disclaimer:  Earth: Final Conflict and its characters are copyrighted by Tribune Entertainment Company.  All rights reserved.



**********



For a long moment they plummeted, and then Liam grabbed a balcony as they fell, jerking them to a stop fifteen stories above the sidewalk. Da'an, clinging for dear life to Liam's neck, looked down and asked numbly, "Where are we?"

"About five stories down from Lili's. It'll take the replicant a while to find us." Liam looked down for a moment and grimaced. "I amaze even me, but someday I'm going to end up too dead to care."

"May I be away from you at that time?" Da'an asked.

Liam began to arduously haul himself and Da'an up onto the balcony. He opened the doors and ushered Da'an in. As he was closing them, a tall blond man clad in black boxers appeared. "Do you mind? What the %&*$ are you doing here?" he snapped. "My wife just got back from a three-month business trip, and we'd like some time alone!"

Liam glanced at Da'an, then at his own rumpled, shirtless appearance. "I'm Companion protector Liam Kincaid, and I'm conducting an official investigation." He pulled his ID from his pocket and held it out. Da'an held a hand in front of his face to hide his smile.

The man squinted at the ID. "In my living room?" he asked incredulously.

Liam didn't answer that but only put the ID away and nodded graciously. "This place is clean. If you'll be so kind as to let us out, sir, we'll be on our way."

The blond man opened the front door and slammed it shut as soon as they had left. Liam broke into a sprint, holding onto Da'an's arm and dragging the Taelon with him. "Liam, where are we going?" Da'an cried as Liam pulled him into the elevator.

"Away!"

As they emerged from the apartment building, a shirt and jacket hit Liam on the head. He glanced up and smiled. "Thank you so much, Lili," he mumbled.

****

"The computer is done translating the Eunoia on that clip, Jonathan," Augur announced loudly. "You better be grateful, I worked off my butt on this one. AND sacrificed my X-wing." He pouted a little.

"Relax, Augur, I'll buy you a new one," Doors said, sitting back. "Now tell me what that little Taelon hypocrite has been writing to Zo'or."

"'Repairs,'" Augur said.

"Could that be a code name?" Doors said intensely.

"Probably not. Listen to the words: 'Level three, minor bullet damage. Level two, requires additional cleaning solution.'" Doors got up and stared over Augur's shoulder. "'Subterranean tunnels, requires a Type-2 steam valve.'" Augur smiled wide. "I'd say that our dear friend Da'an is planning to fix a few household problems."

****

"Where are we going, Liam?" Da'an asked as the hijacked car sped along. He was nervously turning a pair of fuzzy dice over in his hands. "If the replicant's tracking sensors are operational, then..."

"I have an idea about destroying El Hulko back there," Liam said, keeping his eyes glued to the road. "Replicants are strong and powerful but they're not all that bright. Ah here we are." He turned the car sharply. "You know, I think I'm getting over my carsickness. First time I ever drove one of these."

"Metal refining plant?" Da'an asked, confused as Liam parked the car outside the empty plant. Liam got out and opened Da'an's door. "Liam, I am not certain what you are planning."

"Neither do I, exactly," Liam said, opening the back door and slipping in. "But if this works, the replicant will be gone. And if it doesn't.... well, you and I will be dead and therefore will have nothing to worry about."

"That is very comforting," Da'an sighed as he followed Liam up the dark stairway. It ended at a huge platform over various huge metal objects, designed to melt metal of any type.

"Da'an, I need you to hide in some alcove over there." Liam pointed at the far end of the platform. "Any nook." Da'an stepped over to it and slipped out of sight.

A few minutes later, there was a metallic rumbling, and the hulking replicant appeared. Liam smiled. "Hi. I see your tracking system is still damaged. Being repaired, but not quite."

The replicant cocked its head. "Well," Liam said flippantly. "I'm betting you don't know where Da'an is."

There was a metallic roar. "No, you're much too stupid. The heat alone could kill him, but I guess that's the only way to hide from you."

The replicant seemed to be weighing this. It paused, then walked past Liam to the end of the platform and looked over at the machinery. Liam backed away, then began to run and took a flying leap. The replicant didn't have time to move before Liam hit it in the middle of the back. Carried down by its own weight, it tumbled into the huge smelter.

Liam scrambled back to his feet and ran to the control panel. "Whoopsie," he whispered as he hit the red button.

There was a roaring sound that ended in a gurgle, as a hellish red light bathed the walls. Da'an appeared from a dark corner, looking concerned. "Is it gone?"

Liam grinned. "Yes. Our dear friend the replicant is now in the physical state of melted butter." Da'an smiled and peered over the railing at the roiling golden mess streaked with Jaridian green.

****

"Liam, blast you!" bellowed Doors as Liam wandered into the Liberation Headquarters. He was red-faced, waving the dataclip. "This clip was among your papers, and-"

"You found it!" Liam exclaimed, snatching the clip. "Da'an's been looking all over for this clip! It must have gotten mixed up with my stuff! Thanks, Doors!" Without another word, Liam ran out, holding the dataclip like a rare gem.

Augur grinned. "What were you going to say, Jonathan?"

Doors sighed. "I was going," he said quietly, "to ask him what kind of weird game he was playing. Evidently he wasn't playing at all."

****

Liam was shedding clothing as he entered the Flat Planet, dropping his leather jacket in Suzanne's lap. She stared as he began to totter into his back room. Lili was already there, holding a large stack of Playboy magazines. "Just cleaning up," she said with an innocent smile.

Liam dropped into his chair. "I am so beat. Da'an and I had to give a full report to Zo'or and Sandoval, and halfway through we ran out of doughnuts. Sandoval wouldn't continue until someone went down to Dunkin' Donuts and got more."

Lili grinned. "Conferences bring out the worst side of people. And I think you've learned some things."

"Such as what?" Liam asked, closing his eyes.

"Such as, you defeated the replicant by using those huge part-Kimera brains of yours."

"I tackled him."

"You know what I mean. That, and you're learning more about life and how to best deal with it. And that you should never wake me up in the middle of the night." Lili pulled a Playboy from behind the cooler and glanced at Liam, curled up on his chair. "Liam, would you like some pancakes?"

The only answer was a soft snore.