Pied Pipers And Cough Syrup

by Seven


Disclaimer:  Earth: Final Conflict and its characters are copyrighted by Tribune Entertainment Company.  All rights reserved.



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"Ashoo!" Liam sneezed, covering his face with a napkin. "Ohh..."

Suzanne bent closer across the table in the middle of the Flat Planet. "Liam, you're sick. You need to go rest."

"I cad rest," Liam sniffled. "Da'ad expegs me in half an hour."

"Then at least take something," Suzanne wheedled, pulling a bottle of reddish fluid from her pocket.

Liam shook his head and waved it away, still pressing the napkin to his nose. "No, no cough sirub."

"Why not?"

"Because the last tibe I had some, I passed out. On the floor. On the mothershib. It was very embarrassig, and I don't want to do that again." He blew his nose.

Suzanne sighed. "You want another beer for the road."

"Yez, please," Liam said from behind his napkin.

Suzanne got up and went behind the bar and pulled out a beer. As she popped off the top, she quietly poured the syrup into the drink. Smiling wide, she handed Liam the beer, as he handed her the napkin. "Thags," he slurred, coughing as he made his way out the door.

Suzanne smiled, sighed, and grimaced at the napkin.

****

Liam found Da'an standing in his office, holding a chewed extension cord. "Liam, the rats are still here," Da'an said, looking very distressed. "I thought you had killed them."

"So did I," Liam said. His nose had cleared up and he was able to breathe more easily. "I may have missed a few." He couldn't fumigate the Embassy, because apparently the chemicals could kill the very structure itself, so he had to go in the old-fashioned way. "However, I think I can get rid of them without killing them."

Da'an put the cable down on Liam's desk. "I have every confi... Liam, are you all right?"

Liam swayed back and forth, getting gradually sleepier. "I don't know, I..." He toppled over, spread-eagled on the floor. Da'an stared at him, stunned.

****

When Liam woke up, Da'an was bending over him. "Liam, what happened?" the Taelon asked, concerned.

Liam closed his eyes. "I'm gonna kill her."

"Pardon me?"

"Suzanne."

"Who?"

"A waittress at the Flat Planet. You know this cold I have?" Da'an nodded. "She slipped me a mickey." When Da'an looked even more confused, he elaborated, "She put cough syrup in my beer. That stuff really doesn't mix with Kimera body chemistry."

Da'an looked mildly relieved as Liam stood up. "You were saying something about the rats?" he pressed.

Liam pulled a small box from his pocket. "This gives off a subharmonic signal painful to rodent ears. All you have to do is keep it switched on and rats'll never bother you again."

Da'an looked pleased. "Well done, Liam. But where will the rats go?"

Liam shrugged. "They'll probably scatter over a wide radius." He set the box down on his desk and switched it on. "See, nothing to it!"

****

Half an hour later...

Liam's global chirped very loudly. He pulled it out and opened it. He barely recognized Augur. "LIAM!"

"Augur, what's wrong?"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG! THERE ARE TEN BILLION RATS, ALL OVER THE FLAT PLANET!" Augur shrieked over the global. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THIS IS GOING TO DO TO ME?"

Liam went pale.

****

The rats were indeed everywhere. Augur was perched up on a table, and Suzanne was cross-legged on the bar. Both looked nervous, and Augur looked angry.

Liam kicked rats in his path and asked, "What happened?"

"They just... blew right in here!" Augur yelled. "You said the Embassy was infested with rats... why don't you get these little nippers out of here." It was not a question.

Liam grimaced. "I think I can reprogram your old laptop to give off the same signal as the one in the Embassy." He ran behind the bar and slipped on a rat, sneezing as he fell. There was a loud thud and several anguished squeaks.

Liam pulled a laptop from the lower cabinets and started typing in commands. One rat stopped running, then two. All of them began to scramble for the door, crawling all over each other.

After a minute, they were all gone.

Augur and Suzanne cautiously came down from their perches. Liam pulled open his global with a sniff. "Da'an... I need to go lie down...."